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Glory of the Snow

October 13, 2021

Celery Puns And Jokes That Will Make You Giggle

A collection of the best celery puns, jokes, riddles, and one-liners you will ever find!

Not everyone likes celery. One survey even showed that celery is the most disliked vegetable among adults!

Nevertheless, celery is full of nutritional benefits and makes a great low-calorie addition to soups, stir-fries, casseroles, smoothies, salads, and dips.

I quite like snacking on celery sticks dipped in hummus.

I don’t have any delicious celery recipes for you, but if you are looking for some funny celery puns and jokes, you are definitely in the right place.

I have gathered the best celery puns, jokes, riddles, and one-liners for you below.

Without further ado, let’s dive straight into it!

The Best Celery Puns And Jokes

celery puns

  • What did the lettuce say to the celery? “Are you stalking me?”
  • What do you call a nervous celery stalk? An edgy veggie!
  • What vegetable might you find in your basement? Cellar-y.
  • Why are celery stalks leaves never lonely? Because they come in bunches.
  • Why did the gardener quit? Because his celery wasn’t high enough.
  • What’s the difference between celery and snot? Kids don’t eat celery.
  • What do you get when you cross grapes with celery? A wine celer.
  • What do you call famous celery? A celerity.
  • Are you a celery farmer? I’d let you stalk me.
  • What did the lettuce say to the celery when they got engaged? “Lettuce celery-brate!”
  • What do you call celery stalks covered in solid gold? A bunch of money.
  • I woke up this morning and found someone had dumped a bunch of celery on my front porch. I think I’m being stalked.
  • Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm? It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.

celery jokes

  • What is the celery’s superpower? Cele-kinesis.
  • Why did the vegetable want a pay raise? Because he wanted bigger celery. And maybe even a stock option.
  • My wife said I only eat tasteless white vegetables. Well, not neci-celery.
  • I got offered a job at a vegetable company, but I didn’t take it. I didn’t like the celery package.
  • How does a farmer make money? Through his celery.
  • What do you call divine celery? Celery-stial.
  • What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? “She wasn’t right for me, so I really don’t carrot all.”
  • I hate shopping for celery this time of year. Seems like they’re always out of stalk.
  • How do you sneak up on celery? You stalk it.
  • There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it’s cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka.
  • The local grocery store decided to copy the big supermarket’s idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they’re being fined for breaking piracy laws. It’s because they sale’d the seven Cs.
  • All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water, and it’s 100% not pizza.
  • Why did the man ask his boss for more salad? He thought he was due a celery increase.
  • Is it okay to eat the Scottish lake monster’s vegetables? Not Nessie’s celery.
  • Why did the chef quit his job? They cut his celery.
  • It’s your birthday, let’s celery-brate!

celery puns and jokes

  • A guy goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose, a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says, “Doc, I don’t feel so good.” The doctor says, “You’re not eating right.”
  • Why are all the other vegetables afraid of celery? Because celery stalks.
  • A woman goes to a psychiatrist convinced her house is made of celery. The psychiatrist tells her he’s seen this sort of thing before, it’s called stalk home syndrome.
  • What water yields award-winning celery plants? Perspiration.
  • What did the bunny ask his boss for? A raise in celery.
  • Why was the celery arrested? It was accused of stalking.
  • How do you make a vegan employee happy? Give them a celery increase!

***

I hope you’ve enjoyed this collection of the best celery puns, jokes, and one-liners.

If you crave more, there are also some cool famous quotes about celery that you can check out below.

Celery Quotes

  • “Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.” Marilyn Wann
  • “They don’t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.” Bill Murray
  • “The day my child tries a celery is the most stressful day of my life.” Ariana Grande
  • “Never miss a party…good for the nerves–like celery.” F. Scott Fitzgerald, Gatsby Girls
  • “I’m afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery.” Aldous Huxley
  • “Do you want me to call you Celery Stick instead of Cupcake or Honey-Pie? It just doesn’t inspire the same warm and fuzzy feelings.” Richelle Mead
  • “The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.” George Bernard Shaw
  • “Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour – we’re more like celery as a flavour.” Mike Myers
  • “Life should be like a basket of chicken wings: salty, full of fat and vinegar, and surrounded by celery you’ll never actually eat, even when you’re greedily sopping up the last viscous streaks of buffalo sauce from the wax paper with your spit-stained index finger.” Joseph Fink
  • “Cubism. Seeing beyond what is on the surface. Moving both eyes and a nose to the side of the face. Dicing bodies and tables and guitars as if they were celery sticks, and rearranging them so that you have to really see them to see them.” Laurie Halse Anderson
  • “Dear Frozen Yogurt, You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.” Ron Swanson

***

If you are looking for more laughs, check out our other puns and jokes below.

Explore More Puns And Jokes

AXE PUNS | BASEBALL PUNS | BASKETBALL PUNS | BAT PUNS | BEAN PUNS | CARROT PUNS | CHERRY PUNS | CHOCOLATE PUNS | CORN PUNS | EGG PUNS | FLOWER PUNS | GOLF PUNS | GUITAR PUNS | HAIR PUNS | HAT PUNS | LEMON PUNS | LOBSTER PUNS | MUSHROOM PUNS | NAME PUNS | ONION PUNS | PEACH PUNS | PERIODIC TABLE PUNS | PICKLE PUNS | PINEAPPLE PUNS | SANDWICH PUNS | SOUP PUNS | STRAWBERRY PUNS | WHALE PUNS | WOLF PUNS

Thanks for stopping by!

Magda

xoxo

If you enjoyed these celery jokes and puns, please pin this post on Pinterest to help it reach more readers!

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celery jokes and puns

By: Magda · In: QUOTES, JOKES & PUNS

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