A huge list of the best-ever pineapple puns, jokes, and quotes. Whether you are looking for some clever pineapple puns, funny pineapple jokes, short pineapple quotes for Instagram captions, or famous pineapple quotes, I’ve got you covered!
Pineapple is a tropical fruit with an iconic shape that is famous for causing controversy about whether or not it should be allowed to go on a pizza. I think it definitely shouldn’t!
Before we move on to the best pineapple puns, quotes, and jokes, there are some interesting facts about pineapple that may surprise you.
INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT PINEAPPLES
- It takes about three years for a pineapple to reach full maturity.
- Only one pineapple is produced by a single plant in a single season.
- A pineapple plant can stay alive and continue giving fruits for up to 50 years.
- A pineapple is neither a pine nor an apple; it’s a berry. It’s actually a mass of individual berries fused to a central stalk.
- 75% of all pineapples sold in Europe are grown in Costa Rica.
- The world’s largest pineapple ever recorded was grown in 2011 in Australia. It measured 32cm long, had a 66cm girth, and weighed 28kg.
There are many pineapple puns, jokes, and quotes, and I have listed the best ones below. They are perfect for any pineapple-related circumstances, e.g., an Instagram caption.
Without further ado, let’s dive into the best pineapple quotes, puns, and jokes!
The Best Pineapple Puns And Jokes
- If you were a fruit, you would definitely be a fineapple.
- This pineapple won’t move! It must be out of juice.
- I pine for you.
- You are the pineapple of my eye.
- What do you call a fruit that has intimacy issues and can only love from afar? A pineapple.
- What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? A pine-apple!
- What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus but on the outside of the pineapple.
- In a world full of apples, be a pineapple!
- What do you get when you cross an iPhone with a Christmas tree? A pine-apple!
- When would an apple not be an apple? When it’s a pineapple!
- What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
- What do you call a fat pineapple? A pineapple chunk!
- Pick up the phone, pineapple rings!
- What do you call someone who likes pineapple but not on their pizza? Sane.
- When life hands you pineapples, make piña coladas.
- From where do you get pineapple milk? From its pinenipples!
- Why is there no such thing as a punapple? Because the best puns come in pears.
- Did you hear about the honeydew and pineapple who tried getting married? The court said they cant-eloupe.
- A man walks into a bar with a pineapple on his head. The bartender looks at him quizzically and says, “Why the hell do you have a pineapple on your head?!” The man answers, “Oh, it’s ok. I always wear a pineapple on my head on Tuesdays.” The bartender says, “But it’s Thursday…” Upon hearing this, the man’s face changes to a look of abject horror, and he says, “Oh God! I’m so embarrassed!!”
- A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?
- A person was hit by a bus after he claimed pineapple goes with pizza… Also, I lost my bus license today.
- The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.
- When life gives you pineapples, just add rum!
- What happened to the pig that liked pineapple? It turned into a porky-pine!
- I have pineapple on everything lately. It’s just Hawaii roll.
- Hey, you must be a pineapple because you’ve very ap-peel-ing.
- How did the Christmas Tree propose to the iPhone? With a pineapple ring.
- A pineapple a day keeps the worries away!
- The local pizza shop owner has turned up dead. He was covered in pineapple, ham, tomato sauce, and cheese. Word is he topped himself.
- Happiness comes in pineapples.
- You have to be a pineapple. You have to have a hundred eyes.
- Done adulting – let’s be pineapples!
- Sun, sand, and a pineapple in hand.
- Made a mess of my dinner party last night because one of my guests only eats cold pineapples. Should’ve reduced the oven to aloha temperature.
- Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
- What do you call a fruit that has intimacy issues and can only love from afar? A pineapple.
- Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
- The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
- This train has no brakes, no stops, direct to Costa Rica. It’s the Pineapple Express.
- What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
- ”Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.” Katherine Gaskin
- “If you sit all day in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That is well documented.” Karl Pilkington
- “Know what I love? All those different textures. The smooth bananas, the stringy pineapple, the crunchy pecans. Nothing like it.” James Villas, in Hungry for Happiness
- “Only the knife knows the heart of a pineapple.” adapted from Simone Schwarz-Bart
- “Upon a low-hanging branch sat Tarzan directly above the majestic, supple body as it forged silently through the thick jungle. He hurled a pineapple at the ancient enemy of his people. The great beast stopped and, turning, eyed the taunting figure above her.” Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan of the Apes
- “A pineapple is far more versatile than you might think, and certainly merits wider use than in Hawaiian pizzas, Piña Coladas, and cheesy cocktail sticks.” Yotam Ottolenghi
- “A Mai Tai with pineapple. It’s like a vacation in a glass!” Katie Lee
- “For her… I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a lightbulb, a lightbulb to become the moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love.” Nicole Krauss
- “Where is it defined that a house must be beige? Any dun colored house would look better if painted pineapple.” Frances Mayes
- “When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy a pineapple.” David Turney
- “Love is like a pineapple. Sweet and undefinable.” Piet Hein
- “He is the very pineapple of politeness” Richard Brinsley Sheridan
- “You look like a beautiful blonde pineapple!” Doody, to Frenchie in Grease (1978)
- “Yellow is a very favourable vibration for mental or intellectual activity. It promotes a clear state of mind. Yellow heightens your awareness and helps depression, sadness, or any kind of despondency with life. Yellow vibration foods are: pineapples, bananas, grapefruit, lemons and corn.” Tae Yun Kim
- “I describe my music as like a mix of juices – a Tropicana orange juice and a little bit of off-brand pineapple juice. I guess you could call it generic brand pineapple-wave.” Mike Tucker
- “Count the florets of a sunflower, or the spiral scales of a pineapple, running from its bottom up its sides to the top and you will find an extraordinary truth: recurring numbers, ratios, and proportions, all through nature.” Charles Jencks
- “I think I was a mermaid, and I used to swim the shores of Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere.” Ella Henderson
- “Be as the pineapple. Have a hundred eyes.” Filipino proverb
- “Each pineapple plant produces only one fruit per year. It can take up to two years for the pineapple to ripen, and it’s important to wait, because once it’s picked, it can’t ripen any further. The unripe pineapple not only tastes terrible, but is also poisonous.” Kate Christensen
- “At one point in time, Lanai grew 98% of the world’s pineapples. Now, most of the world’s pineapples are grown in two places; Costa Rica and Panama, because no one wants to spend $45 on a pineapple from the United States.” Larry Ellison
- “I like pineapple. It’s delightful!” Sarah Drew
- “Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!” W. C. Fields
- “I think I was a mermaid and I used to swim the shores or Hawaii and used to pop up and see coconuts and pineapples everywhere.” Ella Henderson
- “Propose to an Englishman any principle, or any instrument, however admirable, and you will observe that the whole effort of the English mind is directed to find a difficulty, a defect, or an impossibility in it. If you speak to him of a machine for peeling a potato, he will pronounce it impossible: if you peel a potato with it before his eyes, he will declare it useless, because it will not slice a pineapple.” Charles Babbage
- “For her I changed pebbles into diamonds, shoes into mirrors, I changed glass into water, I gave her wings and pulled birds from her ears and in her pockets she found the feathers, I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a lightbulb, a lightbulb to become the moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love.” Nicole Krauss
I hope you have enjoyed this collection of pineapple puns, jokes, and quotes.
If you are looking for more laughs, check out our other puns and jokes below.
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